So, this blog was going in the direction to become an outlet for me during my time as a grad student. I really want this to continue to be the direction of the blog, but I think I'm going to need to make something really clear, if it isn't evident already. I am very busy recently. This work week alone, I've been on campus (either in class or working on clinic assignments) for 36+ hours. It's ridiculous, but true. Anyway, the work doesn't stop when I leave campus. When I come home is when I can maybe start my actual homework from classes, if I don't have clinic things that need to get finished first.
I think it's time that I actually recap on my graduate school experience so far. Let's just say that this experience is wild.
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| After this week, this is seriously what I feel like right now. |
Now that I've been here for half a year, I can really start to understand some of the things I was told as an undergrad about the graduate experience. The first semester seems really busy, because you are given your first real challenge of time management. You have classes (15+ credit hours), assistantship work (4-8 hours), and your very own first client. You will struggle. You will be so nervous that you shake, on the day you meet your first client and his family. It won't hit you until fifteen minutes before your session begins.
But here's something you never truly realize when you're shaking and feel like either screaming or crying...
YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH.
The first semester, because you are really busy for the first time in your life (yes, undergrad was a cake walk in comparison, and you won't realize it until you get to grad school), will fly by. You won't know where the time went. You'll go home for the holiday break and have a fabulous time with all the friends and family you've been too busy for.
And then you'll come back, and realize that yet again, you are going to be challenged. By the end of the fall, you'd gotten into the swing of your schedule and became wonderful at time management. You even found the time to do things for yourself, you became so good at getting your work done.
If you think there's going to be time for that in the spring...you'd better think again. Initially, at least. You'll have your classes again (15+ hours), and your assistantship (4-8 hours) like you used to, but now you have the privilege of donning more clients. You'll either have 2 or 3 by the end of the semester. You'll also be placed (if you're lucky like me!!!!) on a diagnostic rotation, in which you spend considerable amounts of time preparing for actually determining whether real people have disorders worthy of insurance funding or school services. You'll perform the tests, and write up the report. It will be all you.
Right now, I'm in the heat of all of this. I have 15 hours of classes (most of the other girls have 18, bless their souls), my research assistantship (Which I won't lie, is way less stressful or time consuming than I have observed the teaching assistant's to be. If you have a choice and don't want to teach undergrads as part of your assistantship...MAKE IT KNOWN), two clients, and a diagnostic rotation. Tomorrow we will do our first diagnostic...pediatric articulation. To be honest, we probably couldn't get an easier first diagnostic assignment, my classmate and I. But that didn't stop us from hyperventilating while collecting our toys and materials for our informal assessments after class today.
You know what I just realized, though? Even though this world feels like one that has no room for emergency (and I've had one of those this week...long story), one that punishes failures highly and barely rewards success, you're not alone.
In grad school, you find your family.
It's not the family you've lived with your whole life, but after a while, it honestly starts to feel like it. You're all facing the same struggles, dealing with the same professors, (mostly) the same infuriating undergrads. You learn to laugh at the difficulties you are having, because you're having them together. You're not alone in almost any struggle you come across. There are 30 other wonderful individuals who are just as committed, motivated (on most days), and determined to get through this experience as you are, and you're doing it together.
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| Every day I find more reasons to love these girls (and the ones not pictured too!) |
There are days when you feel like the world could just end at any minute, and you would be fine with it, because you wouldn't have to deal with x professor or y clinical supervisor or z client anymore. The likelihood that you are the only person feeling that way is just about zero.
I know that it's cliche, but seriously, the only reason I get through the day is because of the people here with me.
Okay, that's a lie, there are other reasons (I haven't forgotten you, trusty boyfriend!), but seriously people, this is it.
I guess if I could close this post (and I REALLY should, I need to look up how how to informally elicit sounds for a speech sample for tomorrow's diagnostic!!!), I would end it on a hopeful note. Just like all the major struggles we deal with in life, we somehow find ourselves on the other side, looking back, wondering if the storm even really happened. It will pass. You will be okay again. You won't be jittery and overstimulated by all of your responsibilities, and the time constraints limiting your ability to take care of yourself will disappear. All in good time.
When I talked with my dentist a few weeks ago, he nodded, understanding what I meant when I said that in grad school, I really didn't have much of a life. He said "yeah, it's really tough", and before I could even really think about answering, I found myself saying...
Some of the most fulfilling things in life are the things to which you give your all.
