That could just be the senioritis kicking in, though.
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| I feel like it's necessary to break up large areas of text with images. Meet my puppy! |
I'm excited to graduate, in a way. I feel as though I am much less nervous as I would be, had I not been accepted to grad school and thrust into the real world. Thank goodness for higher-higher education...but at the same time, I still feel strange about graduating. It seems like I should feel different, like you hear about when someone turns 21 or 30 and has some kind of revelation, but I don't foresee that happening. I've never really felt different when major times in my life begin or end, like I'd grown and become something better. I just feel like me.
Now that I know where I will be going for grad school (BGSU, for those of you who haven't read my previous posts), I feel like I have direction again. Before I had heard back from schools, I came to the realization that my future was an open book, out of my control, and that scared me quite a bit. While to a certain extent everyone's life is out of their control, I've always relied on mine having a sense of direction. After high school, I went to college. There was no real discussion there, it was assumed that I would attend, and I was happy to go. I didn't want to start being an independent adult just as much as I don't now. Unlike many people who take comfort in pop songs that tell "the rest is still unwritten," I find a future without direction terrifying. I'm very glad that this whole thing has been resolved, and that I have made my final decision about attending BG. Again, it puts me at ease.
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| And this is my cat, when she's not being the devil and ripping people's faces off in unabashed and plainly exhibited hatred for everything that looks like me. |
Still, graduation is swiftly approaching. I don't know whether I should be excited to walk down that aisle again and receive my diploma, it just seems like a normal thing to me. Honestly, I'm not very excited for the ceremony. Having my immediate family and boyfriend sit around in uncomfortable seats for who knows how long (hopefully not very long, I would feel horrible otherwise) just to watch me accept a piece of paper just isn't something I really want them to go through. At this point, I have trouble thinking of a diploma as anything more than a little trophy to be placed on a mantle somewhere, in my opinion, and the graduation ceremony more like a tribute to those who feel like they deserve recognition for their hard work (though honestly, you don't have to work too hard to graduate college). On the other hand, I feel that it's acceptable to want to be recognized for your accomplishments. In the past I have had difficulty letting go when others let my hard work go unacknowledged, so I understand why people want to feel rewarded. It just gets to be a little much when thousands of people expect recognition at the same time.
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| And this is my dog again. The best dog in the world. |
This summer is something that I'm dreading, a little bit. I'm excited for it to be summer again for the same reasons I am every year: being with the family, boyfriend, and close friends I haven't seen in ages, swimming, sleeping in, just generally being relaxed for an extended period of time. The thing that I'm dreading is finding a new job, or one to supplement the seasonal one I currently have. My current job isn't going very well: I work in a retail store (whose identity I choose to omit) which hasn't been doing very well since the economical downturn. The business can't afford to pay all of the people it employs, and so hours have been abysmally low. Last summer I barely worked at all, and it was incredibly frustrating. Since then, I've had the feeling that I'd need a new one by this coming summer, and that thought was only reinforced by a few experiences I had over spring break this year. This weekend (hopefully) is the time at which I'm going to start applying to several businesses near my home north of Columbus. I just hope that someone wants me...when my little sister tried to find a job last summer, it went horribly. At the last minute she did find work at a grocery store and made good money, but it was ages before any of the businesses responded to her, and many gave her horrible offers for work. I'd love to not have two jobs, but if that's the best I can do this summer, then that just might be what needs to happen. My goal is to have weekends off...we'll see how that pans out. I need to keep things in perspective...I need to find another job before I can negotiate scheduling!
Let's say that this has really been eating at me lately, with summer so close. I even dreamed last night that my sister got a second job and I couldn't find any. It's just not fun.
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| Kitty again. Cute, but hateful and sad sometimes. |
Until then, I have a few things to look forward to here in BG. This weekend, a good friend in the major and I are going out to lunch, and then we are going shopping for clothes for graduation. Our final NSSLHA event, our spring banquet, is coming up as well. I'm excited to hear our speaker and just hang out with the girls in a different setting. Then, later that same night, girls in our major are having a bar crawl down Main! Last year it was really fun, and I'm very excited this time around, too :)
Okay, I think that's enough for one night. Time to lay down on my not-so-comfy couch and nibble on Tagalongs.
If you want something funny to read, follow this link:
This is an article posted by readers of an online magazine, Cracked, which mostly publishes silly articles. It's still fun to read though :)
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